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Vanessa · Beginner Joined: 18 Mar 2008 Posts: 34

Marriage is hard. All of them, everywhere, with all people. Marriage is hard, but interracial marriages are often harder because of differing value systems, cultural mores and familiar stereotypes. But that doesn't mean they can't work and be beautiful.

Step1.Fight Fairly. This means no blanket criticisms ie "You ALWAYS blah blah" or "You NEVER blah blah." This only puts your partner on the defensive which is not a good place from which to compromise. And its all about compromise.

Step2.Learn the difference between..."You do it wrong" and "You do it differently than I would do it." This is key. Say it with me. You did that differently than I would have done it.

Step3.Religion is hard to deal with. In interracial marriages with partners of different faiths, the key here is to tread lightly and with respect. Actually, this is related to step 2. Your religion is different from mine. Neither right nor wrong, but different.

Step4.Talk about what you expect out of a marriage and a partner. This is much better than being surprised down the road with an expectation that you can't fulfill, would never want to anyway and didn't know existed in the first place. People from across the globe view the "roles" of men and women quite differently. Talk about it, openly and honestly BEFORE you get married. Does he expect you to stay home once you have children or always have a manicure and "done" hair? Does she expect you to be the sole bread-winner while fixing the plumbing and lifting heavy objects? Stereotypes obviously, but stereotypes have a way of sneaking into our thinking without us realizing it.

Step5.Remember every single day that you WANT this marriage. My mother says you choose a mate not once, but over and over again during the course of your relationship. She's right. You re-affirm this is who you want to share your life with. Choose your mate as often as you can.

Step6.Remember that people are strange about interracial marriages. People like your own family and some of your friends and those people who can't stop staring at you on the street. Those people suck. Stand up for yourself, your partner and your relationship. Love each other openly and proudly. And hold hands on the street.

aequalitas · New Member Joined: 18 May 2012 Posts: 10 Location: Ukraine

Thank for really interesting information.